A few weeks ago I got into one of those UKIP troll fights you get into on twitter, where it escalates out of all proportion and suddenly people are calling you four letter words, demanding you retract this that and the other and blocking you in a frenzy of rage, while you're left meekly questioning their spelling and punctuation.
But this wasn't like your usual spat. It went on for days and then weeks and before I knew it I wasn't eating, the goldfish had died and I was checking and cross referencing things on my phone in bus stops and generally acting like Leonardo di Caprio in that film where he keeps all his toenails in jars.
You see the problem was that in all the UKIP posturing, I had developed what can only be described as an unhealthy interest in facts and details. So when someone said that Kippers had the biggest or second biggest BEM vote for example I thought "hmmm that sounds a bit 'wrong' I'd better check it." And it was. Very wrong. Of course.
Well I won't bore you with the ins and outs and Venn diagrams and facts and figures and links to obscure data, but as time has gone by I've become a bit of an expert on UKIP. I could possibly even write a paragraph on Wikipedia about it - well I could - but I can't since they blocked me over some "unpleasantness".
So let me limit my fact check frenzy to just one figure.
You see there's been one statistic that has really got my Romanian goat. Since the campaign started UKIP have - on their posters and in public - repeatedly stated that "75% of our laws are made in Brussels". They aren't. The real truth is "nobody actually knows" precisely but it's anywhere between 10% and 50%. Yes 50% is a lot but it's not 75% is it?
Full Fact has done a pretty good job trying to nail it and this 2009 article also seems to knock the already old figure on the nose. But one thing anyone who has properly investigated this agrees on is that UKIP's 75% figure is wrong. Plain Jane WRONG. Off the mark. Bad sums.
So what?
Yeah so what? I mean it doesn't really matter does it. It's a lie. It's a big fat bold lie. But who cares? I mean it's only the central platform of this party's campaign? They are lying to you. They are lying to me. Gaily merrily lying. BUT as so many have said to me on twitter - so flipping what?
Well you could say "so a lot". I mean UKIP's USP is that they are 'different' isn't it. They tell the truth. Nigel likes a pint and a smoke. He says it as it is. So you COULD say that making up a big fib like that and continually repeating it is a fairly big deal.
But I'm not going to say that because frankly anything wet liberal types like me say seems merely to bolster UKIP's poll rating. So let's try another tactic.
VOTE UKIP. Vote for a party that brazenly lies. Vote for a party that condemns taxpayer troughing MEPs in Brussels while taking every Euro it can get from er Brussels. Vote for Nigel Farage. A man who deplores foreign speakers on trains unless they're his wife and children in which case it's OK. A man who takes a salary and expenses from the EU that is greater than David Cameron's earnings.
Yeah go for it. Vote for the party that bangs on about unelected bureaucrats while demanding more UKIP Peers in the House of Lords. Vote for a party that blames all your problems on immigrants and the 'people across the sea' in Brussels. Vote for the good old chaps that tap into the basest nastiest instincts they can get away with while protesting that they aren't racist, or homophobic or bigoted in any way.
And when you have and they've won (which they will do) and when perhaps even they get some seats at Westminster get back to me........ or rather leave me a message. I'll be abroad.
