Saturday 2 May 2015

Royal baby BREAKING NEWS - your cut out and keep guide to the boring second by second coverage


Newsreader  
We now go live to our Royal Correspondent who is outside St Mary's Hospital. Nicholas/Sue/Dave what can you tell us?

Nicholas/Sue/ Dave  
Yes the Palace have confirmed that the Duchess of Cambridge is currently inside the hospital and given that she is nine months pregnant we can assume that she is probably going to have the baby in the next few hours, or days, or possibly a bit longer. This means that at some point, she will have a baby. The baby will almost certainly be a boy or a girl. If it is a boy there is an extremely high chance that he will be given the traditional title "Prince" whereas if it is a girl she will be known as "Princess". We don't know what the name of the baby will be at this point, but if it is a girl then we can reasonably assume that the baby will have a girl's name, while if the child is a boy he will be called something male. I can also confirm that even if he is a boy he will not be called George. He or she will be the fourth in line to the throne and remain so until something changes at which point he or she will become the third in line or even second or conversely the fifth or sixth. Or perhaps even the seventh. Or eighth - it really depends on how many other children members of the Royal Family have.

Newsreader
And do we have any suggestion as to what emotions the other members of the Royal Family have regarding this labour?

Nicholas/Sue/David
Yes at this point the Palace have confirmed that the Duchess of Cambridge is nine months pregnant and is inside the hospital. We know nothing more than that. In the past Prince William has said that he would love to have a little girl, but that he would be equally happy if he had another little boy. The Duchess herself has never commented openly on the topic, but one might reasonably assume that she will be happy with a boy or a girl. The couple have already had one child, Prince George, so we can say at this point that the new baby will almost certainly not be called George or even Georgina, although the latter still remains a possibility. If unlikely. The news was greeted around the world by other media outlets. Everybody is described as being "really delighted" by the news. Stephen Fry tweeted: "A baby will be coming soon that's nice" while Nigel Farage added - on twitter that it was "really important that everyone realised that we'd all be much better off under an Australian style points based system of labour." David Cameron, unusually perhaps, has backed Farage on this, while Ed Miliband  has added  that he was "very happy for the Royal Family but was trying to fight an election" and that maybe an airport could be named after the baby when it is born. Back to you in the studio Alistair.

Newsreader 
In other news thousands continue to die in ....

Roll Music and Credits.....

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